I am a college graduate.

I have no job.

I have no boyfriend.

I am not in Panama anymore.

LOST is over.

I guess it time for me to get a life...

I dislike job searching.

Reflections of a Recent College Grad: Part I

I graduated last Saturday after a week and a half of no responsibility. It was every college students dream. Finally, a chance to be in college without that pesky homework to work on. My choices were sometimes less than responsible, so I will spare you the details, but I don’t regret anything I did. I got a chance to get to know some people I hadn’t met before (despite that fact that we had a plethora of mutual friends). I am grateful for the time I got to spend with them and with the friends that are now much better described as family (wow, that was sappy…).

Having the opportunity to live the irresponsible life for a while has given me much more to think about as I reflect on my college experience. I am trying to avoid what-ifs and regrets about things I did not do and instead concentrate on the positive reality of what I did do. Most of these what-if scenarios revolve around people I have met during the past two weeks (or knew before, but not as well). I am sad about missed opportunities to hang out over the past four years, but I am trying to remind myself that we are made of our experiences. Had things happened differently, I would be a different person. At this point in my life, I am actually pretty content with myself, so I am trusting that it was for the best that these people did not come into my life until now. After all, it could have been worse. I might not have met them at all.

More ramblings about Christianity...

So I have been thinking about the Galeano book quite a bit recently (with varying degrees of sobriety), and I have been struck by my reaction to that book and another book I read at the same time The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. Open Veins of Latin America, the book by Galeano, describes the oppression and extortion Latin American countries have had to deal with at the hands of Europe and the United States for the past five hundred years. Hundreds of thousands, if not millions, have died from overwork on sugar, banana and coffee plantations, or in silver, gold or copper mines to satisfy the demands of foreign investors. Galeano recounts example after example in his book of these atrocities, yet as I was reading it, I was put off by the redundancy of his argument. On the other hand, while reading Guernsey, I was upset by the death of a fictional character.
I am upset that I have developed into a person that can be dismissive of massacres, yet cry over the death of someone who never existed. Is this attitude a product of our society or is it human nature in general? Or both? How do I, as someone who claims to be a Christian, a religion that in its perfect form honors the lives of others above one’s own, end up with this attitude?
One way to understand this phenomenon is from the economic theory of supply and demand. As the world’s population increases, the value of each life is going down. It is hard for a large corporation operating a mine/factory to be persuaded to treat its workers humanely when it really is cheaper to work them to death and hire new ones. I don’t know how to fix this mind set, but it needs to be done.
I was also bothered by my reaction between the two books because it showed me just how inconsistent I am. I loathe inconsistency and to see it so blatant in my life is a huge blow to the ego. I was talking with my friend Nate earlier this weekend about how unequal and unfair the world is. There is always some group that will be trampled on by another group. The pragmatist in me loves the fact that the United States is a world power that dominates everyone else. If someone’s going to be in control, I want it to be me. I want the security of knowing there are resources set aside for me to continue with at least my current standard of living.
That, however, goes completely against the fundamental teaching of my religion/faith (whatever you want to call it). Christianity is based on “Love Jesus; Love others (as Jesus does).” As a Christian, I am called to look outside myself, to be more concerned with the needs of others than I am with my own. If someone’s going to be in control, let it be the other person. I am called to make sure others’ needs are met prior to being concerned about my own. Damn that’s hard. Slash impossible.
I am pretty sure that the majority of the angst in my life is created by the tension between the desire for security, and my desire to live according to the Faith I claim.
But I guess that is what forgiveness is for, eh. Deal with the tension as best you can. Let God take care of the rest.

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" - Ghandi

A continuation/follow up on my previous religious discussion.

I have been thinking about writing this post for a couple of days now; I just never got around to it. The sermon at church today, however, inspired me enough to prompt it.

Over the past couple of years, I have been focused too much on what I didn't have. I got so frustrated over this point that I all but quit being Christian. I went to church only because I felt obligated, but I didn't participate in any of the outside activities that make up a Christian lifestyle. I avoided my Christian friends, I didn't pray, didn't read the Bible. I gave up on God because he didn't give me what I wanted.

I missed the point of Christianity completely.

During the past few days,however, I have been reminded of what it means to be a Christian. A friend of my from middle school posted a facebook note that discussed spiritual deepness. His observation was that there really isn't spiritual deepness to the Bible, but rather a simple command that can be summed up in two lines ""Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" and "Love your neighbor as yourself."

What exactly does loving your neighbor mean? It means being concerned with their wellbeing over your own. It means not letting resentment get in the way of serving others. It means not judging someone's life decision or excluding them because of how they chose to live. It means seeing people as God's image and treating them accordingly. See Christ in others; Be Christ to others.

It's time for me to remember that point and act on it.