Frustrations

Dear Family and Friends,

I am sorry I haven’t been updating my blog as often as I originally intended.  I have hit a bit of a rut in the last couple of weeks here.  I am much more homesick than I anticipated.  There haven’t been any major events that have gotten me down, but rather an unrelenting stream of small things.

For instance, I had been doing quite well getting myself around town, but about two weeks ago, I managed to get lost twice when taking the bus.  The weather has been cold and rainy, and I caught a cold which drained all of my energy.  I have gotten over most of it, but I have a cough that won’t go away because of the bad air quality.  There are tons of motorbikes everywhere and people smoke all the time (at least, the men do).

I am also very frustrated with the traffic in Hanoi.  Walking can be very dangerous because people do not pay attention to traffic rules.  Motorbikes park and drive on the side walks or go the wrong way down the street, so I have to constantly pay attention to everything going on around me while I am walking.

I have also discovered I am not made for city living.  I hate all of the tall buildings, and I miss open, green space.  The lakes and rivers here are extremely polluted which I find very distressing (especially after working for the Stream Team program).  I miss the infrastructures of the United States (transportation and sanitation specifically).  I realized that Vietnam is a developing country, and it will get those things sorted out eventually, but in the mean time, it is frustrating.

I’ve been surprised by how much I miss the little things at home.  I miss the convenience of my car and the ability to go where I want, when I want without having the limitations of a language barrier.  I miss going to church with people I have known my entire life.  I miss spending time with my family and friends.  I hate not being there to celebrate weddings, new babies, restaurant openings, grad school acceptances and other important milestones happening in the lives of people at home.  I miss movie nights and not having a curfew.  Mostly I miss being with people who know me well.  The people here are great, don’t get me wrong, but the fact is, I have only known them two months.  That’s not enough time to get to know someone well.

Additionally, I feel inadequate for what I am here for.  I have no idea how to teach, especially listening. I want my students to succeed, but I don’t know how to help them do that.  I’ve also somehow completely lost my ability to initiate conversations. I used to be able to talk to anyone, but over the past two years I’ve gotten more and more tongue tied with meeting new people.  That makes creating relationships with those around me rather difficult.

Even with all the bad/annoying things I am dealing with, there are many things I enjoy about living here.  Spending time with students is awesome; I have had a chance to explore parts of Hanoi with them.  It’s fun since many of them come from the provinces, and so they are also learning about Hanoi.  I’ve gotten involved at HIC (Hanoi International Church), both with a small group bible study and volunteering with the worship service/Sunday School.  So overall, I am still glad that I am here.  Through everything, I have never doubted that this is where God needs me to be.

Thanks for reading to the end!

Love, Hanna